It wasn’t until I started training to become a coach in the early part of 2018, that I finally had an insight into what was happening to me. I was stuck in a cycle and couldn’t seem to find a way out. All the issues from my waking day would rush into my head, and my anxiety levels would rise. It felt like my eyes opening was a cue to send my brain into overdrive, and for the whirring thought loops to start up. Once I was awake, the biggest problem was getting my mind to quieten down. I read somewhere that getting up out of bed and doing something else, like cleaning or reading a book, would help but it absolutely didn’t.įinally, I tried sleeping tablets, but they just made me feel unpleasantly groggy, and a little bit sick. I tried having a couple of glasses of wine in the evening, hoping that the alcohol would knock me out, but that only gave me a headache, and meant that when I did wake up, I had a raging thirst. If anything, it just made me even more grumpy, because I was denying myself something I love. I quit coffee, but that made no difference at all. I thought that maybe if I could physically wear myself out, I’d be so exhausted I wouldn’t wake up. In the early stages of my insomnia I just thought that maybe I wasn’t tired enough, so I would force myself to do some high-intensity exercise before bed. I’m feeling exhausted, stressed, snappy, and permanently on the verge of tears – and I have no idea why this is happening to me. It’s the summer of 2017, and in the past six months I’ve gone from being a solid eight-hours-a-night sleeper to getting less than three hours at best. The numbers that have been taunting me since 1am, and will continue to do so until I finally give up and get out of bed at 6am. Instead I bury my face into my pillow and sob silently, my eyes fixated on the glowing numbers of my alarm clock. I’m angry, frustrated, and anxious, and I just want to shout: “How dare you be asleep. At this moment, even though I know that it is completely irrational, I hate him. It’s 4am and I’m lying in bed sobbing, listening to my husband snoring gently beside me, and trying to resist the urge to pinch or elbow him, just so that he’s awake too. Here, Sassy Smith reveals what it’s really like to experience insomnia first-hand. More than just a restless night, insomnia is a sleep disorder that can deeply impact a person’s life.
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